Behind Blue Eyes
by Wildest-Dreams
Summary: Its a songfic with Inuyasha the main character. Its showing his many emotions over his one desicion he made over a year ago. OOC


note This story occures in the present time.

Disclaimer... I own no one from this story! ...unfortunately ;-;

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_Behind Blue Eyes_

Today was like any other day. Life was slow, the days dragged out and the nights went on forever. As I stand infront of my bathroom mirrorow, I thought about my life and everything that has happened. Sure things weren't horrible, but there never seemed to be a good day. Everyday there was a fight, Im sick of the fighting. I'm tired of all the things that go wrong everyday, and it shows. My eyes are darkened by deep circles underneath them. My usual ember eyes are darker, and my skin has grown paler. Figures, another thing wrong with me. I just cant understand the fairy-tale stories, and how they get their perfect ending.

_No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes  
And no one knows  
What it's like to be hated  
To be fated to telling only lies_

Time seemed to have slowed down, as I thought about my past. I thought, if I wasnt rejected in my childhood, would things have turned out different? Its hard growing up when you know no one will ever like you...will ever _love_ you. My mother always loved me, she was always there for me, but then she was taken away from me. My only support was taken from beneath me and the world laughed as I fell. Sure people wonder about my older brother, they ask "where was your older brother? Didn't he take care of you?" Of course they didnt understand..He came from a different mother, and he dispised me and my mother, just because we werent the same as him. So of course no one would understand how alone I felt.

_But my dreams they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free  
_

There was only two people who ever understood me, and cared for me. Kikyo was the first, I couldnt believe I actually fell for her like I did. And it was even more amazing when she fell for me. I thought that for once maybe I could be with someone instead of staying away from everyone. I thought that I wouldnt have to be alone anymore. But no one liked what we had. And why should they? I was everything Kikyo was against, so of course everyone else would be against me to..but not Kikyo, she was still there for me, she still stood by me. But the day I thought she betrayed me was the day I felt dead. Dead to the world and dead to myself. My heart felt like it was going to rip into a million peices. 

No one knows what its like  
To feel these feelings  
Like i do, and i blame you!  
No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through

Then there was Kagome. She was always there for me, she didnt care what I was. She didnt care if no one else liked me, she was always with me. When I first saw her I hated her, resented her, because she looked so much like Kikyo. I felt hatred towards Kagome for what Kikyo had done to me. But I also felt love toward Kagome that I knew was for Kikyo. But soon that feeling of love turned into its own love for Kagome, and her alone. Even though we never spoke of our love we both knew of the love we shared. It finally felt like the world had given me my support back, now I had something, some_ one_ to lean on.

_  
But my dreams they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free  
_

I will never forgive myself for all the pain and torment I've caused to Kagome. All the things I've put her through, all the emotional damage I've caused. At first things were ok, then Kikyo came back and changed everything. Of course I still had feelings for her, but then I had feelings for Kagome, so I was stuck in a triangle, filled with love and hate. I tried to choose only one girl, and I chose wrong at first, I tried to send Kagome away to never see her again, to keep her away from all the pain. But that ended up in heartache for both her and me. But I was blessed with a second chance with Kagome, I know I shouldn't have been so lucky, but Im thankfull I was. Kagome and I were always together, but never showing any of the love we had. Our lives became intertwined, she needed me and I needed her more than anyone could imagine. Its shocking to know that even though Kagome went through alot of pain and Im sure her heart must have broken at least once, that she still stayed with me. And sometimes I feel selfish wanting her around all the time even though shes been put through alot, and I hate myself for knowing that I hurt the woman I love countless times.

_  
No one knows what its like  
To be mistreated, to be defeated  
Behind blue eyes  
No one knows how to say  
That they're sorry and don't worry  
I'm not telling lies_

So even though I've only lived a short while, I still feel older than I should. All the things that happened, all the things that I've done, everyone in my life has changed me. For the better? That I'm still wondering. I still feel alone, even in a crowded room, even if someone is right beside me. I suppose the feeling of being alone will never go away. And the hate I feel towards myself might eventually fade away, but I dont think I can wait that long. Even though I have had two loves in my life, I still feel empty. I suppose its because I pushed Kagome away again, dont get me wrong, I love her to death, but I dont want to see her hurt. So I told her its better for her if she left...

_  
But my dreams they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free  
_

I've made many mistakes in my life. I cant even begin to count them all, but all I do know is that I need to make up for them some how. No matter how long I wonder about how I can make up for it, there is only thought that always crosses my mind...Things would have been better if I wasnt around... I always hear these stories about how when people die they leave all the pain to everyone that cared for them, and I know that pain will be great. But I also know that they will recover from it, and grow stonger. Then they can continue with their lives the way they first planned it, _before _they met me.. All I can do know before I end this story is write something for Kagome... I wanted to hear her voice one last time so I gave her a call. After she answered it, after I heard her voice, I hung up. I havent seen her in over a year now, the least I can do is write something down for her..

_No one knows what its like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man_

_Behind blue eyes.  
_

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_Song: Behind Blue Eyes. Originaly done by The Who. _

My first attempt at showing you lucky people my work...please if you comment, go easy on me ;P


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